Day 35
One of my greatest weaknesses is that I don’t think deeply enough about anything. My mind is lazy—filled with half-thoughts and semi-revelations that are interrupted by any one of ten thousand distractions. When I don’t take the time to gather up the truths that God is trying to teach me, I miss out on the growth and the change God wants to work in my heart. Never was this weakness more evident than when I journeyed through the desert.
As I look back on my journey, I have endeavoured to erect some signposts along the way.
In looking back, God helping me, I can see the place more clearly where I left the narrow road and headed into the wilderness. The signpost I would put there would say: “The Usurper.”
A usurper is someone who seizes power and position by force and without right. It most often refers to a rightful king’s throne being stolen by a pretender—someone without a legitimate claim to it. In my life, I allowed a great rebellion to take place for the throne of my life; I allowed a usurper to replace Jesus on the throne of my life. That usurper’s name was Self-Pity.
“No sin is worse than the sin of self-pity, because it removes God from the throne of our lives, replacing Him with our own self-interests. It causes us to open our mouths only to complain, and we simply become spiritual sponges— always absorbing, never giving, and never being satisfied. And there is nothing lovely or generous about our lives.”
—Oswald Chambers
Self-pity is a cruel king. Self-pity absorbs and takes instead of reflecting and giving out. If it remains on the throne of our lives for too long, we will look beside us and around us and see nothing and no one but our own dissatisfaction, grumbling, and pain. I see now that I chose these as my companions, and in such awful company it is no wonder that I sank deeper into despair and wandered further into the wilderness. In this battle over the throne of my heart, I sided with the usurper and my rightful King was no longer the central pursuit of my life.
There is no escaping the hurt we encounter just by living in this world. The Bible says that in this life we will face trouble (John 16:33) and to not be surprised by the fiery trials we face (1 Peter 4:12). Pain can either cause our eyes to turn inward or it can be the impetus to fix our eyes ever more firmly on Jesus. We must jealously guard the throne of our hearts against self-pity.
“Most of us collapse at the first grip of pain. We sit down at the door of God’s purpose and enter a slow death through self-pity. And all the so-called Christian sympathy of others helps us to our deathbed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, as if to say, ‘Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine.’”
—Oswald Chambers
PRAYER : God forgive me for allowing self-pity to steal the throne of my heart. I give it back to You today in Jesus’ name. I resolve to keep my eyes fixed on You. I know that You are the God who heals me and instead of holding onto my wounds and my brokenness, I give them to You, knowing that in your love and with your power, You will heal me and make me whole again.
Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering... he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.
—ISAIAH 53:4-5
