Day 17
While writing this week’s devotions, I hit an inspirational wall. My wandering mind was even more prone to distractions than usual and I felt fear starting to rise up, saying “That’s it. The well of inspiration has run dry.” And I had more than half of the devotions left to write.
I spent several full days trying. Writing stuff that frankly just stunk. Writing, deleting, writing, deleting, constantly getting distracted by my phone, internet searches for the most random (totally unrelated) questions that needed answers, and of course, the ever-present pull of online window shopping. I then moved on to researching my favourite authors and concluded that if I couldn’t write as profoundly as they could, why should I even write at all? Distractions then pulled me out of my home-office, where I left my laptop for too long and it died, and I hadn’t saved, and I lost more than 9 hours of halfway decent work.
The fear became full-blown panic. “What if the well of inspiration really HAD run dry?”
This experience was a small but bitter reminder of what I faced for so many years in the wilderness. It is amazing to me how easy it is to believe God’s promises when I’m on the mountaintop—when His presence is palpable and His voice is clear and strong. At times like that, there is no doubt or fear or uncertainty. But when our own hearts fail us—when our weakness comes and knocks us off the mountain, when we’re trudging along the flatlands, disappointed with ourselves, we wonder if we’ll ever hear His voice again.
The first sin, the original one when Adam and Eve ate from the one tree that God had forbidden, didn’t start when they plucked the fruit from the tree and put it to their lips; it start- ed when the serpent plucked certainty from their hearts with these terrible words:
“Did God REALLY say...”
Did God REALLY say He would never leave me (Hebrews 13:5)?
Did God REALLY say His mercy for me is new every morning (Lamentations 3:23)?
Did God REALLY say that His strength is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9)?
Did God REALLY say that His love for me would not, could not, ever fail (Psalm 136:4)?
And I heard Him whisper, “Yes, I really did say all of those things. And I don’t say anything I don’t mean” (2 Corinthians 1:2; 20).
Lord, I want to believe. Help my unbelief (Mark 9:24).
So I turned off my phone (I actually had to remove it completely from the room), shut off the notifications on my computer, and prayed some very specific things.
I prayed that if the devil was lurking around (like he always is), looking for ways to distract and derail me, that he would also be removed from the room, in Jesus’ name. I prayed for God to help my wandering mind—that I would hear His voice revealing His heart to me as I wrote. I prayed for divine understanding into complex things that I currently did not understand. But mostly I prayed for forgiveness. I allowed doubt and fear to knock me off the mountaintop where I had been hearing his Voice so clearly.
So I’m climbing the mountain again today, and I want to invite you along.
This is a small example of a larger truth. If you’ve been trudging across the plains, if you’ve been deep in a valley, wondering if you will ever see a mountaintop again, pray some of the things I prayed today: for forgiveness, to resist the devil in Jesus’ name, and for the clarity of mind and heart to hear His voice ring strong and true above all the other voices in your life.
I think, I BELIEVE, that when you pray these prayers, presently (though perhaps not as soon as you would like), you will be climbing the mountain again.
See you at the top.
