Day 13
Monday, March 17th
No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
(Romans 8:39 NLT)
Many years ago, I went on a solitary retreat to seek God’s inspiration for something I was writing at the time. I expected the days to be filled with insight and creativity, the words just spilling out of me onto the page. During the week I was there, I didn’t write a single word. It was too quiet, for one thing. I didn’t know how much I feared being alone with myself in the silence.
God had plans for this time away and they had nothing to do with my productivity. He always shows up for us when we seek Him, it’s just rarely in the ways we expect Him to.
The truth was, God needed me alone in the quiet, so that I could perceive the cries that He heard all the time, coming from a place of deep sadness inside of me. Unconsciously, I kept my life noisy so that I didn’t hear those cries. I was afraid that if I looked into the sadness, that I would get lost there and never find my way back.
What I wanted was inspiration for the writing project at hand, but God knew that what I needed came from a much deeper place. Though I couldn’t perceive it, my heart was asking God: “Do you love me? After everything I’ve done, do you really?”
The way He spoke to me after days of silence wasn’t an audible voice and no writing appeared on the wall. God rarely speaks in these ways. It happened like this: one evening I found an old hymn book on a shelf in the retreat centre. I started flipping through it, reading the words of the men and women of faith who had written them hundreds of years before. I turned a page to Charles Wesley’s hymn, “Depth of Mercy” and it was like the words were hit with a spotlight and I knew they were for me.
Depth of mercy! Can there be
mercy still reserved for me?
Can my God His wrath forbear?
me, the chief of sinners, spare?
I have long withstood His grace,
long provoked Him to His face;
would not hearken to His calls,
grieved Him by a thousand falls.
I my Master have denied;
I afresh have crucified,
oft profaned His hallowed name,
put Him to an open shame.
There for me the Savior stands,
shows His wounds and spreads His hands.
God is love! I know, I feel;
Jesus weeps, and loves me still!
These words shone brighter than all the others: “There for me the Savior stands, shows His wounds and spreads his hands. God is love! I know, I feel; Jesus weeps and loves me still.” In that moment, and with tears, this truth changed from something I knew to be true in my head, to something I felt to be true in my heart. I hadn’t, as I had feared, out-sinned the love of God.
Are those words true for you today? That Jesus sees all of you–the sin and regrets and bad choices–and loves you still? Ask God to help you take hold of that truth today, to take hold of the truth that “nothing can separate you from the love of God.”
Consider making a plan to set aside some time–half a day, a whole day, or maybe even a few days just to be unplugged and alone with God, where He can answer the questions you may not even know your heart is asking.