At fourteen, the family I grew up with broke into pieces. For the next four years, I filled the emptiness with alcohol and meaningless relationships, one of which resulted in an unexpected pregnancy at 18. Since being pregnant was not in my plans, I scheduled an abortion. I remember feeling alone, broken, used and worthless, but there was also a little voice telling me “don’t do it, you can have a good life, just trust me, I’ll see you through this.” I cancelled the procedure two days before the scheduled date and on July 1, 1991, a beautiful baby girl was born. I was determined to do well by the miracle that was lying in my arms.
Five months after Brenna was born, I met this wonderful guy who liked me just the way I was and loved the both of us with all his heart. A year and a half later, Kevin and I were married and by the next year, we had bought a house, started a business and were expecting our first son. We were very happy and all my dreams seemed to be coming true. Business was great for Kevin and I was making good money working at a local restaurant, but almost over night, I lost my job and Kevin’s business was losing clients. Suddenly, our focus wasn’t on our family anymore, but making money and staying afloat. I started to see our family dissolving and my marriage crumbling into pieces. Depression started to make its home in me, leaving me with feelings of being abandoned and alone. I started staying out late after work drinking with the girls and partying at the bars.
At this time, our daughter Brenna started to go to Southside with her Aunt and Uncle and we wondered whether we should start attending church as a family. However, after the 9-11 tragedy, I decided that life was too short to stay in an unhappy marriage and asked my husband of eight years to leave. During the next eight months, I went to school to “become someone” and went out on weekends partying with friends. I was falling back into a life style that I had promised myself I would never return to. In the end, I felt emptier and more alone than I ever had.
All through this time my husband, Kevin, never gave up on me. He was attending Southside regularly and his small group was praying for me and our marriage. Kevin and I attended counseling individually, with help from the church and then Kevin asked me to go to counseling as a couple. I felt compelled to try this one last thing to save our marriage. After a few months, Kevin moved back home and continued to attend church with the kids every Sunday and help lead an Alpha group every Monday.
Even after we were back together, I was still going out every Saturday night with the girls and nursing a hangover every Sunday morning. After a while, I realized that staying home from church every Sunday was not setting a good example for our children, so started attending Southside with my family. At first, I couldn’t understand why people would smile and be so nice to me. I also didn’t know why I cried every time I read the words during worship and even tried to stop reading the words of the songs, so I wouldn’t be affected. Eventually, though, I looked forward to going to church every Sunday and started to feel hope for the future.
It was the Easter service when everything was made crystal clear to me. Jim and Sharon shared the real reason why we celebrate Easter. God wants to have a relationship with us, with me! God loves us so much that he sent his only Son to earth to teach us the truth and let us know how much He wants to be in our lives. God doesn’t want us to feel consumed with guilt over the sins we’ve committed. Jesus died so that we would never have to be alone again. Toward the end of the service, Sharon led us in a prayer to ask Jesus into our lives. As I was saying this prayer, I sensed a feeling of wholeness and a great burden being taken off my shoulders. I felt an overwhelming feeling of love and forgiveness. Through the Holy Spirit, I was welcomed home that Easter, in front of my family and everyone who had been praying for me and with God holding my hand all the way.
Five months after Brenna was born, I met this wonderful guy who liked me just the way I was and loved the both of us with all his heart. A year and a half later, Kevin and I were married and by the next year, we had bought a house, started a business and were expecting our first son. We were very happy and all my dreams seemed to be coming true. Business was great for Kevin and I was making good money working at a local restaurant, but almost over night, I lost my job and Kevin’s business was losing clients. Suddenly, our focus wasn’t on our family anymore, but making money and staying afloat. I started to see our family dissolving and my marriage crumbling into pieces. Depression started to make its home in me, leaving me with feelings of being abandoned and alone. I started staying out late after work drinking with the girls and partying at the bars.
At this time, our daughter Brenna started to go to Southside with her Aunt and Uncle and we wondered whether we should start attending church as a family. However, after the 9-11 tragedy, I decided that life was too short to stay in an unhappy marriage and asked my husband of eight years to leave. During the next eight months, I went to school to “become someone” and went out on weekends partying with friends. I was falling back into a life style that I had promised myself I would never return to. In the end, I felt emptier and more alone than I ever had.
All through this time my husband, Kevin, never gave up on me. He was attending Southside regularly and his small group was praying for me and our marriage. Kevin and I attended counseling individually, with help from the church and then Kevin asked me to go to counseling as a couple. I felt compelled to try this one last thing to save our marriage. After a few months, Kevin moved back home and continued to attend church with the kids every Sunday and help lead an Alpha group every Monday.
Even after we were back together, I was still going out every Saturday night with the girls and nursing a hangover every Sunday morning. After a while, I realized that staying home from church every Sunday was not setting a good example for our children, so started attending Southside with my family. At first, I couldn’t understand why people would smile and be so nice to me. I also didn’t know why I cried every time I read the words during worship and even tried to stop reading the words of the songs, so I wouldn’t be affected. Eventually, though, I looked forward to going to church every Sunday and started to feel hope for the future.
It was the Easter service when everything was made crystal clear to me. Jim and Sharon shared the real reason why we celebrate Easter. God wants to have a relationship with us, with me! God loves us so much that he sent his only Son to earth to teach us the truth and let us know how much He wants to be in our lives. God doesn’t want us to feel consumed with guilt over the sins we’ve committed. Jesus died so that we would never have to be alone again. Toward the end of the service, Sharon led us in a prayer to ask Jesus into our lives. As I was saying this prayer, I sensed a feeling of wholeness and a great burden being taken off my shoulders. I felt an overwhelming feeling of love and forgiveness. Through the Holy Spirit, I was welcomed home that Easter, in front of my family and everyone who had been praying for me and with God holding my hand all the way.
