For Better or for worse - It seems hard to believe that 34 years ago this weekend Sharon and I said those words to each other as part of our wedding vows. Amazingly enough, after all that time we still love each other and it keeps getting better. We’re really excited to spend this anniversary weekend roller blading around the seawall at Stanley Park and just hanging out together. If the first 34 were that good, then I can hardly wait for the next 34; I’ll be 91 and Sharon will be 86 and we can push our walkers along the seawall together.
Every marriage will definitely head in one of those two directions: “For better or for worse”. Unfortunately, we are living in an age when far too many end up on the “for worse” side of the scale. They don’t just end up there because of bad circumstances but in large part we have good marriages or bad marriages because of the choices we make.
When Sharon and I got married we weren’t the match made in heaven. We came from very different families. Sharon grew up with a mom and dad that were very affectionate and the kids all knew what it was to help around the home. I grew up without ever seeing any affection between my parents and it was my mom’s job to do everything in the house. I got this affectionate, compassionate, giving wife that loved to serve. She got a husband that didn’t come with any of those qualities but loved to receive all of them. We definitely had the potential to quickly move toward the ‘for worse’ end of the scale.
The apostle Paul gives some great advice for relationships but it’s even more important for marriages! It’s not the advice we usually hear from our culture but it sure works.
Philippians 2:3-8 “Nothing should be done because of pride or thinking about yourself. Think about other people as more important than yourself. Not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude of mind Christ Jesus had…He made Himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant,…He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to death – even death on a cross!”
When two people go into marriage with their own interests in mind, conflict will inevitably be the result. It doesn’t come naturally for any of us to live with the attitude of a servant. We are all born with a selfish nature but Christ wants to transform that nature as He lives through us. What a difference it makes when we view our spouse’s interests as more important than our own and always look out for their best instead of ours. It is pretty hard to have conflict when both partners live that way.
To live that out means that I don’t wait until Sharon has to nag me to get me to help out around the house. But rather I’m already thinking about what I could do to make her day easier. That might mean getting supper ready rather then asking why it’s not ready yet. It might mean folding the laundry or emptying the dishwasher or picking up the groceries or choosing not to watch the hockey game. If we both go through the day thinking of ways to serve each other and speaking words that encourage and affirm each other, then chances are pretty good that we’ll have one of those ‘for better’ marriages. There’s no need for anyone to try to be the boss but instead try to be the best servant possible. We don’t pretend to have a perfect marriage but I know that I’m sure enjoying it.
