Have you ever been in a situation where someone has hurt you so deeply that you think it would be impossible to forgive them? Are you filled with feelings of betrayal, anger, and disappointment? You are not alone in having feelings like these. In the stressful world in which we live, it seems that people often make wrong choices and let us down.
I have recently been in such a situation. A person who I really care about did something that hurt me so badly, it shook the entire foundation of my life. At first, I was in a state of shock and denial. Anger soon set in. Feelings of deep, deep grief and loss soon followed. I felt perfectly justified in having these reactions. What this person did was a serious offense.
As a Christian, I knew I had a choice to make. God commands us to forgive others. He sent His own son, Jesus, to die on the cross and pay for all of our sins. Not just mine. Not just certain sins. All of them. But knowing this in my head and feeling forgiveness in my heart were two separate things.
I struggled very deeply with trying to forgive. Some moments, I did not even want to forgive. But all those negative feelings weighed very heavily on me. The worst consequence was the wall I felt between myself and God. I felt that I was letting God down by not forgiving. I realized that I had to choose between staying in that "prison of unforgiveness" or asking God for His help and grace to unlock the door of the cell and set me free.
I began to look for scriptures regarding forgiveness. The first thing I needed to do was recognize that I am a sinner too. There have been many times in my life when I have let God down. All of us sin, but so often it is much easier for us to see the speck in the eyes of others, rather than see the log in our own eyes. In other words, we can be quick to judge and condemn others while failing to see our own faults. But it's never too late to turn to God for forgiveness, no matter what we've done. We have the assurance that Jesus will forgive our sins and not condemn us [John 8:10, 11], if we only ask.
I read the scripture in Matthew 6:14, 15. "If you forgive those who sin against you your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others your heavenly Father will not forgive your sins". That's pretty plain and simple language. I also read the parable beginning in Matthew 18:21 in which Jesus recounts the story of a king whose servant owed him a very large debt. According to the law, the king could have seized everything that this man owned including his wife and children. But the man fell on his knees and begged mercy from the king. The king was filled with pity for his servant and released him and forgave his entire debt. But when the servant left the king, he immediately went to a man who owed him a much smaller amount of money. This man fell on his knees and begged for mercy from the servant. But the servant showed no mercy and had the man imprisoned. When the king heard what the man had done he grew very angry and said "Shouldn't you have mercy on your fellow servant just as I had mercy on you?" Then the angry king sent the servant to prison until he had paid back every penny. That's what my heavenly Father will do to me [Jesus says] if I refuse to forgive my brothers and sisters in my heart and choose to remain in the prison of unforgiveness.
God's word is full of instructions to be kind, tenderhearted and forgiving of one another (Ephesians 4:31-32]. We must make allowances for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends us [Colossians 3:13].
So, I made a conscious decision to forgive this person. It wasn't easy and I needed God’s strength and grace to do it. And I didn't just do it for the offender's sake - I did it for mine. I want to spend my life in a relationship that's right and pleasing to God, not in a state of unforgiveness. The sense of relief and peace that I have gained since forgiving this person has been a gift from God. So I want to encourage you: if you're struggling in this area, be bold and ask God for His help. Remember, our God is a great God and nothing is too difficult for Him!
